just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
