soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
