I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
