i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
