Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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