1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
What did we do last night that was yellow?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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