Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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