sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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