...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
