Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
