his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
