Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
