Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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