I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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