My hair reeks of homosexuality.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
