Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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