they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
