There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
