he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
