y did u give ur computer a hand job?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
