the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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