discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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