1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
