she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
