Sponge bath it is.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
