Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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