My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
