Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
