i need an iv and a liver transplant
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
