i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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