Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
