i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
