Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
is wine microwaveable?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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