I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
