thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
