PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
