He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Randomize
