He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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