i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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