Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
