Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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