Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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