Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
