its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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