who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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