i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
