I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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