If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
