kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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