She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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