He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
