hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He? As in you personified your dick?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
