I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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