so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
